Do you ever wonder why you are enduring the repercussions of divorce? Whether you are the person who initiated the divorce or you did not choose this route, at some point you will ask the question of why..
Why am I here in this position? Why did my idea of a family unit not survive? Why am I struggling so much emotionally or financially?
Normal questions here moms… it is a new world and it is not easy. I’d like you to embrace the thought that regardless of the person that petitioned the divorce when one door closes, a window opens.
What that open window becomes is now based on your terms and your healing. You can write this new chapter. Unless one has suffered through a divorce, it is impossible to comprehend the traumatic experience. Depending on your process and your healing journey this window to which I am referring will vary.
One of the points that I want to make in this article is that I am not minimizing how sad, or guilty, or resentful, or angry you may feel at this point. You are entitled to all of those feelings and more. However, allow yourself the ability to see beyond those feelings. Feel ALLLL the feels. But then put them aside and do something else.
One of my clients recently, feeling very low about where she is in this process, said to me, “I wish I could just fast forward to where you are and not be upset anymore”.
Moms, being upset is ok. When my children leave for the weekend with their dad I watch as they walk away. Almost every time (STILL) I get sad and wish that this was not how it had to be- for all of us.
It pains me to separate from them and not know what they are doing; how they are doing; if they need something from me… and wait for a 5-minute phone call at some point over the weekend to hold me over until they come home on Sunday evening.
Yes, this still happens at the stage that I am in now. You can imagine then, that initially, and for a very long time, I suffered hard without them.
So, how do we get a handle on this so we can focus on that window opening up for us? As I wrote above, allow yourself your feelings. Cry it out, call your friend, and talk it out.
Do you know that for years I would call my mom every other weekend after my children would go with their dad and we would go through the same routine: the cry, the ‘what if’s’, and then the part where she would set my head back on straight that this is what is best for everyone now.
Then, you have to force yourself to move on to something else. You have to do that. You have to get moving in another direction. I used to find solace in cleaning my house and doing the laundry with no sounds around me. Sitting down and watching one of my shows with my dog next to me. I found peace in all different places, once I allowed myself to accept that peace. I deserve it and so do YOU.
Find what makes you feel at peace. Some weekends you may want to book your ‘free’ weekend up with plans. Get your appointments in your calendar, see your friends or family, go on a date.
Some weekends you may just want to light a candle, cook a good meal, and lounge in a clean house. What I can say to you is that this peace is not going to just fall on your lap. If you do not try to help yourself you will feel stuck in a whirlpool of self-pity.
And, even though I acknowledge that you are entitled to those feelings, I do not want you to stay there. I want you to find the strength inside to know that you have a new future for yourself.
If you find yourself drowning with what-ifs, feel free to send me a message.
Love, Tray💕