The Next After the Ex?...

  So, how soon is too soon to start dating?  These are common questions but really the answer depends on you and your situation. 

Part 1: Do I or do I not start to date? 

I can help you to find the answer that best speaks to you.  Here- I’ll throw out a few scenarios:

• If you made the decision to divorce then this marriage has been over for quite some time.  Divorce, especially with children involved, is not an easy nor quick decision to make.  If this is your position then you are probably more than ready emotionally to get yourself back in the dating world (stay tuned for the do’s and don'ts in later blogs).  Once you feel ready to be out there as a single divorcée, go for it.

• If you did not make the decision for the divorce then take some time to evaluate your emotions.  If the divorce was a shock for you or simply unwanted, take the time to heal and reevaluate what you didn’t get in this marriage and what you know you deserve in a partner.  Write this down.  What do you want and need that you were not getting in the marriage? My advice here is to be sure you are over your ex before you get under someone else!

Know what you are looking for; are you a relationship person and want that again for yourself? Do you want to be single and just mingle?  Do you want to date around without commitment or is commitment a must for you?  You need to take a good look at YOU and what you really want right now. Be completely honest with yourself.  

Part 2:  Do I or do I not introduce the new man to my kids?

Depending on the age of your children, the “right time” to introduce a new partner may vary.  If you have young kids, do they understand what divorce means? 

Are they adjusted emotionally to the separation of mom and dad?  You know my priority is always the kids first.  So with young ones, get your divorce done and clear in the eyes of the kids before someone else enters their world. 

Let them have some time to adjust to this different life.  Remember, they didn’t choose this so they deserve the time to reconcile with the new beginning. You will know best where your children stand, so be gentle with yourself and them when figuring out the best time to add a new person.

If you have older kids, I stand first and foremost to make sure that your divorce is finalized before the introduction of a new partner.  If you’re there, then solid conversations are needed.  Not that your kids should dictate your choice in moving on ( I am all about boundaries everywhere), but their thoughts and feelings should weigh in your conversation. 

They should feel heard but respect that mom/dad has thought it through, spent enough time with the new person and feels confident in their character… confident enough that this new person is worthy to be in THEIR world now too. 

What are your thoughts? Leave your comment below and let's have a chat.

Love,

Tracey💕