Recently I was sitting with a few friends; a few married and a few divorced. The topic of remarriage surfaced after reading one of my earlier blogs on ‘The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating’. The burning question was, Why would people get remarried after a divorce?
This was not a marriage-bashing conversation but actually an intuitive one. It was to understand why the commitment of marriage would be the route. To me, this was a great question. I am remarried and I could give my personal reasons but I would love to hear YOURS too! Help me here!
I believe when two people are truly committed to each other it is a beautiful union. Having said that here are the negatives to remarriage from my point of view:
Sadly, that true commitment between two people, for the long term, is a rarity these days.
Divorce is so prevalent and once you have been through it, it could feel like the resolution to difficulties sooner than it was the first time.
Today, there are so many opportunities to stray from the commitment. Unless BOTH parties are aligned with what they define as cheating or unfaithfulness, and stick to it, well the statistics speak for themselves. However, on the positive side, I believe that if this was the case the first time around it is possible to learn from it. Cheating hurts everyone. Whether you have that guilt from the first marriage or it is on the counterpart’s shoulders, it can be a lesson not to allow it in your future. For that to happen you have to go back to everything I say about healing yourself, loving yourself, and knowing yourself. Read the full blog here.
Some people are just not the commitment/ marrying type. There is no judgment here- this might even be you reading this. Perhaps your personality is one that prefers to date and know more than one person. Great. Go for it. Perhaps you like being alone. I cherished my alone time after I bought my new house. It was quite an adjustment to let that go when I moved in with my husband. Again, this is why you need to evaluate what you want BEFORE starting something serious. And OWN what you want.
Taxes. I laughed when this one came up because it is so removed from the ‘feelings’ when thinking about marriage. But my friend is RIGHT! He spoke about the way that finances change and your taxes do too! Just pointing it all out to you on this blog page!
Sharing everything. Then dividing everything. Then doing it all on your own and nailing that… do I want to share now all over again? Some would say, “No, I am good now.” Some would say, “ Yes. I want to share again”. Think about what YOU want.
Here are my positives of remarriage:
For me, I loved being a wife, mother, and family unit. I just didn’t have the ‘unit’ I was hoping for and it ruined the other areas as well, with my ex-spouse. That love for being someone’s wife and sharing a home and life with someone never left me though, and despite the craziness of the dating world, and the hurt that I experienced both in my marriage and throughout the process of dating again, I never lost hope that one day I would find the right person and be able to be the wife that I always wanted to be. That was what I knew and realized during my years of reflection and healing. I had to meet the person that aligned with me.
Can you just be committed and not married? Of course. It is your show. , I also knew myself well enough to know that if I did not have that official union, I would always live with one step out. That is just who I am. It could be a matter of trust or personality-either way, I am real with myself and know what works and doesn’t work for me.
My religion is a great part of my world. It has always been a part of my life, but post-divorce I found a whole new world with religion being a center of my life and in the choices that I make now. In my religion, marriage is the ultimate step of commitment and it was something that I knew I needed to feel at peace. In case you are wondering at all, I did get an annulment from my first marriage and it was quite liberating to move forward here. Reach out if that is something you would like to know more about.
It’s a unique bond. Marriage is legal and comes with an understanding that there are expectations. If you are willing to take on the expectations, again it can be a beautiful thing.
Carrie Bradshaw speaks about relationship karma. That stuck with me for years. I wonder, do the mistakes from your past catch up with you in your present? What do you think?
Love,
Tracey💞