Does relationship karma exist? I really would love your thoughts and opinions on this topic!
In season 3 of SATC, Carrie mentions the concept of relationship karma. Meaning, the way that you handle yourself in one relationship can carry over to the next. If you did the right things, your next relationship will reflect that; if you did ‘bad’ things, it will resurface with the next person.
Here’s my take on this concept:
I believe there is something to this but not exactly as it is presented in the show. I look at this more like lessons to learn and work on in the next relationship. I think that if you DON’T work on the issues that you have brought to the table, they will certainly reappear once you bring the next person into your life.
So, if you were dishonest and not loyal to your partner in a previous relationship, and you have not worked to change this; and/or you have not recognized this character trait and how wrong and detrimental it is to be dishonest in your relationship, then it will present in the next relationship and most likely ruin what could have been. So, not necessarily karma as we know it to be, but the inability to fix the problems that you bring to a relationship.
So, how do you ensure that the pattern of negativity does not continue in your future relationships? It all goes back to proper healing and recognition.
First, be objective enough to look at what YOU did wrong.
This can be very difficult especially if the divorce was a result of infidelity or abuse- two factors that are considered to be the major ‘deal breakers’ of a marriage. Even if these were the culminating circumstances by which you decided to divorce, generally there were underlying issues for which you (as well) have to take accountability. Reflect upon your contribution to the problems. This is why I am saying that you need to dig deeper to understand yourself. Understand why you may act or react a certain way and try to work on it so that it is not something that follows you from relationship to relationship.
Work on the healing process.
This can be with therapy or another method of self-responsibility. It can be talking it out with your support system and trying to recognize the triggers that bring out these traits. Ignoring the problems or expecting that the issues that you have will not come up with the next person is fooling yourself. Address and deal with negativity.
Be attentive with your “picker” as Patti Stanger puts it, from Millionaire Matchmaker.
She is famous for working with her clients through the process of changing their ‘types’ that bring out the worst in them. In other words, if you are always choosing the same type of person that is dishonest, or unreliable (etc.), then you need to see what it is that you are so attracted to in this type of person, recognize the red flags, and stay clear. She helps you to see beyond the initial attraction that is not allowing you to grow and find a person with the character traits that are really meant for you. Once you have done your healing, however, it is much easier to see these red flags quickly.
Do not wait for multiple examples of the problem at hand.
When you are enjoying someone the tendency is to let the issues go and not deal with what is right in front of you. I am all about giving the benefit of the doubt- once. After that, it is a repetitive behavior, and if it is not something that you can live with, then you have to move on.
If you are the person who has done things you are not proud of in your past I encourage you to do some self-reflection. You can make the changes that you need in your own life so that you are truly happy in the next relationship. We all have made mistakes. We have all done things that we are not proud of and wish we could take back. Nobody has done everything the right way all of the time. What is important is not bringing that baggage to your next relationship and getting into another mess. This time around you are going to be your BEST SELF!
What are your thoughts on relationship karma? Share them in the comments section.
Love,
Tracey💕