Financial Variables You Need To Consider As A Single Mom

So you are now transitioning from a two-salary home to a single salary.  It’s just you, mama, and you have to support yourself and your children- with or without a man!  Let’s unpack some of the financial variables to think about from this point forward, considering you as the role of the residential or custodial parent:

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A divorce lawyer and/or mediator.

 It is ideal if you can find a mediator to facilitate your divorce.  That is not always possible, but if you CAN do that it is the best route for the money.

Even if you have a mediator to draw your divorce stipulation, you will need your own lawyer as well.  Understand that your mediator will take no ‘sides’; so even if your ex is not doing what is right by you or the kids, it is not the job of the mediator to rectify that or even bring it to your attention.

The job of the mediator is to simply draft your agreement under the circumstances that you declare with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and file it in court.  It is worth the extra money to hire your attorney.

You do not need to supply a retainer for this task.  Find an attorney that you can pay by the hour and have them look over your stipulation BEFORE you sign anything.  This is your life.

This is your future.  You cannot foresee everything at this point in the process.  The tendency is to want to get everything done and over so that you can move on.

You’ve been waiting to cut ties, right?  You have envisioned your new life free of the negativity you’ve been living, right? Trust me- take your time and cross every ‘t’ and dot every ‘i’.   If you do not do this, chances are you will be back in court at some point to attempt to modify your agreement, again, because you cannot foresee everything.

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Where will you and your children live?

Are you staying in the marital home? If so, you will probably have to buy out your spouse.  Will you move? Now, you must think about the neighborhood and the school district, are you going to be in a home or an apartment?

This is probably the most trying part of the process unless money is not a concern in the relationship.  If you had a mortgage or rent that was set on two salaries, how are you supposed to manage this on one?  If you are in this situation, contact me so that I can set you up with a financial advisor who can walk you through your best options.

If you are the residential parent you have a plate full of concerns in order to keep the children’s lives as stable as possible.  I know that most of the time the initial thought is, “I cannot take my children out of their school".  So I have to struggle like crazy to not remove them from their childhood home and/or their school.”

Man, do I get this dilemma? I faced it myself.  I did do the route of moving them out of their childhood home and school district.   Now, my kids at that time were very young and so I know that the struggle can become so much greater the longer the children have been in school or in that home.

Consider the benefits of a new home imagining a dialogue like:  “We will have a brand new environment to make new memories with our new family dynamic”; “You will have a new bedroom to decorate and personalize"; “We are creating a fresh start with just us to bond in a place that we will learn about together".

It’s not always an easy sell but struggling to the point of misery will only add more of a burden to the kids, despite your attempts at doing the opposite.  Whatever you decide, please choose a situation where you will be financially comfortable with your one salary.

Lastly, on this topic, you cannot count on child support for this part.  You will not have the current child support that you negotiated forever,  and it will change and adjust when the kids go to college, yet your mortgage will remain what it is (unless your situation changes of course).  It is not even considered income if you apply for a new mortgage.  So do yourself a favor and budget what you can count only on YOUR salary.

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Extracurricular Activities

Depending on your agreement, you may or may not have the luxury of help with extracurricular activities or childcare.  Either way, you will have to pay a portion of these services.  It may be another unexpected expense if you had the other parent available to watch the kids while you worked.  It can be a trying adjustment to go from the other parent and/or family members taking care of the children to now hiring someone outside the inner circle.  

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What does child support actually cover?

Child support depends on the salary, the custody percentage, and the number of children that you share.  It is meant to cover shelter, food, clothing, and essentials.  The rest is on the residential parent.  Again, my advice is to NOT use child support when budgeting what you can afford for your life with your children.

I know that this is daunting and honestly, it may be for a long time, depending on where you are in this divorce process.  Seek help from a therapist, a coach, a financial advisor, a reiki specialist- from anyone that you need!  Where are you struggling?  Lean on someone to help you through.  Nobody understands better than someone who has been through it-find your lifeline.

What questions do you have as a single mom? Share your thoughts in the comments section 💬