A Co-Parent Dilemma: I have “free time” now! What do I do?

Are you divorced and healing but want to start your new chapter? One of the common struggles that I see with moms post-divorce is how to spend their time when the kids are with the other parent.   I can help you to visualize the possibilities.

I start with the importance of using this time to work on your healing process.  I know that not everyone uses therapy as a tool for healing, and if you do not then just find another outlet or another tool to find yourself and your true feelings and desires.  I can outline the tools that I used in my healing process and hope that something speaks to you too!

Therapy: 

For me, it was essential to meet weekly with my therapist.  She knew me before the divorce and was also our marriage counselor for a brief period before we separated.  Finding the right therapist is important to see and feel the significance and help.  I have found in life that certain therapists serve a specific purpose. 

I had a different therapist years ago after my brother passed away, and another before that to assist with the anxiety that I experienced in my early years of teaching.  I am sharing this to support what I wrote, which is that finding the right therapist for what your needs are is essential in getting the help that you are seeking.  Your therapist is there to listen to your struggles and if you have to repeat the same struggles over and over then they are there to support you without the added stress of thinking that you are a burden to someone.  It is time set aside for you to vent and work through the heartache that you may be experiencing.

ASolid Group of Friends and Family:

 If you have even one person to lean on then please do so.  Think if roles were reversed and someone that you cared about was in your situation- you would be there for them, right?

Then find the right friends and/or the right members of your family who will let you cry, be angry, and perseverate but then will tell you that it is time that you move forward.  Because you do have to do that at some point to heal.

Sex and the City and Millionaire Matchmaker:

It sounds silly but if you have not seen these series then it’s a must.  Not only is there an element of entertainment but the storylines are reasonable compared to many of our dating issues.  Both of these shows, in the end, made me confident in my self-worth again, believe it or not.  Some lines stayed with me to keep me grounded.  Highly suggest.

Reiki:

I didn’t know anything about Reiki before my divorce.  My mother introduced me to someone helpful for her so I tried this and I did stick with it for a bit. 

One of her most helpful tips that I used to practice DAILY was looking in the mirror and physically brushing HIM (my ex) off of my skin.  As I physically did that I would say out loud, “He is no longer able to hurt me and he is off of my skin.”  I would take a deep breath and truly feel the weight lift off of my shoulders.

A Massage or Spa Time:

Whether it is a manicure, pedicure, massage, or a bath- YES you need to do this when you do not have your kids with you. 

How often are you able to do these things for yourself?  Use the time to pamper yourself in a small or big way.

Dating:

There are a lot of ways that you can start to date that may not have been at the time when you met your ex-spouse.  If you have friends who are on board with going out, do it!  Even if you do not meet a potential date, the idea of a night out can be fun and get you out of the funk of being without your children. 

There are many online dating platforms and with some research, you can find the one(s) that speak to you and your dating personality.  Even if you just find yourself talking to someone on a dating platform or the phone, it is nice to feel that sense of desire.  The flirt or the fun exchanges can spark something inside you that has not been to the surface in a while.  What I am saying here is that you can take this as seriously or casually as you see fit. It is just one of many ways to utilize your time alone.

Hobbies:

Do you have a hobby that you used to do? If so, why not try to rekindle that hobby?  If you do not have anything in particular that was your thing in the past, try to find something that you would like to incorporate now; like cooking, dancing, knitting, decorating, reading etc.  

Exercise:

I recommend this strongly to you moms!  Some form of exercise helps release the tension of divorce and single mom life.  Let’s face it, you weigh the world on you, and depending on your co-parent it could be weight that is shared or weight that is 100% yours! 

Sometimes all it takes is a nice long walk or a yoga class.  I have a lot of exercise recommendations for you if interested then reach out.

Animal lover:

Do you love dogs, cats, or any other domestic animal?  Getting an animal post-divorce is not only something that could be fun and joyful for your kids but for you too.  I got a puppy when my children and I moved into our new house. 

We have always been a dog family and so I knew that I needed to bring this addition in at some point to feel like I completed the new home.  We got our puppy, Bacio, very soon after our move, and let me tell you- he truly was and is my companion.  It would be just the two of us every other weekend.  I grew to love this dog like no other because he helped heal me in other ways, just by being my devoted companion.

Volunteer: 

I am a big supporter of the act of volunteering.  The world needs good hearts out there to give back.  Find a cause that you can be passionate about and provide your time.  I promise you that it will bring you a sense of fulfillment you didn’t know you needed in life.

This is my short list 😉 of the ways to keep yourself busy and heal while the kids are not with you.  Try them out, if you can, and reach out if you have other examples that can help our moms out there!

What else can you recommend? Comment them down💬